F*ckboy Cookies

January 12, 2018


January is a time for reflection. A time to look back at the previous year and evaluate the good, the bad and the ugly. 

While I usually like to focus on putting positive vibes out into the universe, this week I decided to reflect on the shit show that was my dating life in 2017. I always knew there were a lot of jerks out there, but this year, with the help of online dating, I have come to the realization that our society is in DESPERATE NEED of quality humans. 

And because I am sick of having these garbage boys make me feel bad about myself, I decided it was time to tell them how I felt. And of course, to make some epic F*CKBOY cookies. 

And for all of you who are not aware, here is the definition of a f*ckboy. 

In mainstream culture, a f*ckboy is a guy who doesn't respect women, yet relies on them heavily. He's a guy who's distant, doesn't care about a woman's time, and won't commit. He's self-absorbed and is never looking for anything serious relationship-wise 

Now, let's begin. 

An Open Letter To All F*ckboys, 

First of all, F*CK you. 

Seriously...I don't know what happened in your life that led you to believe it was ok to treat people like this, but I am here to tell you, you are WRONG. 

Maybe you were hurt in the past. Maybe you were never taught right from wrong. Maybe making others feel bad about themselves is the only way you know how to make yourself feel good. Or maybe you are just a freaking sociopath.

But whatever the reason is, these are YOUR PROBLEMS - not ours.


So please, keep lying, and cheating and sliding into our DMs. Please keep only texting us late at night and making up lame excuses for why you couldn't answer us in a timely manner. Keep promising us the world and then turning around and dumping us. And please please please continue to believe that you are the only person in this world that matters. 

Because no matter what you do, we still come out on top. 

Your f*ckboy behavior may make us feel bad about ourselves - like we are not pretty enough, or skinny enough or smart enough. The really bad ones may even make us feel like we are not good enough at all to be loved. 


But guess what? These feelings are just temporary. 

We will cry, we will eat an inappropriate amount of ice cream and we will blast Tswift loud enough to drown out our terrible singing voices. But then, we are over it and over you.  

We realize that we only get one chance to walk through this life, and we should not waste another second of it thinking about you. Each and every girl you have ever hurt will realize that you are kind of pathetic, and she is destined for something so much greater. A life where she does not feel insecure or small, but one where she is killing it while standing next to someone who loves her exactly the way she is. A life where she gets to be the best version of her bad ass self. 

We, my f*ckboy friends, are all going to be just fine. 


But you...you are f*cked. Because breaking someone else's heart is never going to help you fix yours. And eventually, people are going to start realizing you are a human piece of garbage. So that sucks for you. 

But seriously...good luck with your all your future endeavors. 

Sincerely, 

Everyone 


And now for the top 5 f*ckboys of 2017....

5. The "Funny" Guy 

4. The Smooth Talker 

3. The Guy Who Tries To Show His Man Parts On The DL

2. The "Instructor"