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I know it's an odd time to post an ice cream recipe with it being winter and all... but I have been sitting on this one for a while. I perfected this amazingly delicious Blackberry Lavender Ice Cream this summer, but I could never bring myself to post it (and you will understand more on why in a minute). But as I have spent the last week reflecting on how terrible this year was for me, I figured it was as good a time as any to share this recipe with you guys.
Seriously...this year sucked. Starting in the spring, a lot of very unfortunate things happened one after another and after that, I was just never able to turn it around.
The hardest part was, my year started off so strong. The first week in January, I went on a first date with a frat boy who wore a bright orange polo, a vest, torn up jeans and boat shoes. I didn't think much of it because let's be real...frat boys are not really my style. But he made me laugh and his mom owned a lavender farm (which is the coolest thing ever)...so I thought, what the heck?
And somehow, over the next few months, this frat boy made me feel, for the first time in my life, that I was enough exactly the way I was. Since I was little, I have always felt I was deficient in some way - never quite as good as I wanted to be. This led me on a constant quest to be skinnier or prettier or smarter - the list goes on and on.
But then this kid comes along and makes me think....maybe this whole time I've been wrong. Maybe I am okay just the way I am.
He not only saw the good sides of me (one of those being the Boyfriend Chocolate Chip Cookies), but he still seemed to like me even when the not so good sides came out. Things like the awkwardness over emotions, the anxiety, the depression and a whole bunch of other things I usually don't show people.
The whole thing sounds pretty great, right?
It was...until he left. Until I had gone and allowed myself to be completely open and vulnerable with someone for the first time EVER, and he decided he didn't want to try long distance once he moved.
Cool. Cool. Cool.
I will just go ahead and add that onto the raging abandonment complex I developed after my mom passed away.
And worst of all, all those things he made me feel about being enough were now gone with him. To me, this proved what I had always feared - me, just they way I am, isn't enough at all. Not even close.
It was awful. But of course, I had to pretend like everything was okay. That this wasn't THAT big of a deal. He was fine - so I had to be fine too. So I kept forcing myself to go out on dates.
There was a 28 minute date, a date where someone confessed their love to me and I cried (and not in a good way), a date that never happened because I got stood up, and a few more of the un-noteworthy type. And then of course, there was the hiking date from hell where I actually THREW UP. Yeah...that really happened. TO ME. IN REAL LIFE.
It was one awful thing after another. But as I am trying to go into this new year with a more positive outlook, I decided I should share the few things I did learn from this miserable year of dating.
You might as well benefit from my suffering, right?
Here is goes....
So there you have it. My lessons for the year. I would say this is pretty useful stuff.
But I guess if I am being totally honest, the most important lesson I learned this year is that I still have the capacity to love. After my mom died three years ago, I didn't think that was possible. And even though things with this boy didn't work out the way I wanted them to, I will be the first to admit that he did show me that my cold dead heart could feel something again. And once I realize that I don't need a frat boy to show me that I am enough exactly the way I am, I think that lesson might come in handy some day.
Anyway, I will stop talking now. Here's to hoping the next year will be filled with lots of cookies and ice cream, friends and family, and laughter and love.
Oh, and about the Blackberry Lavender Ice Cream...it's fabulous. The freshness of the blackberries paired with the slight hint of lavender really make this something special. And, the best part is - there is no ice cream churner required! Enjoy!
Love you always Linds <3 Here's to a 2019 full of cookies, comedy shows, dance classes, and knitting!
Thanks tal <3
Wow! Your ice cream looks delicious! Ah dating, it pretty much sucks, but, keep your chin held high, your spirits bright, and keep your sense of humor. You’ll find what you are looking for, and he will be wonderful and you will appreciate him for who he is completely. And, I bet you’ll be able to spot a blood sucking liar from a mile away for the rest of your life, all valuable lessons to a Life well lived! Good luck to you and may 2019 prove to be kinder to you.
I will definitely be able to spot a liar from a mile away! That is for sure! But thank you for your kind words Lisa <3
Yes, Lavender is the cure all.....in my opinion! ???? ✨even just reading the recipe made my mouth water, and the tips are spot on????✨
You have been telling me about the magic or lavender since I was little! It just took me some time to see the light <3
Well chapter 28 was a sad one. In a lifetime of pages the wonderful thing is you don't know who is waiting to show up. I am looking forward to Chapter 29 where you appreciate yourself more and some of the things that you want to be a part of your story become the words on your pages. Real love isn't always easy to find. You have to have 1 cup of a good imagination, 2 cups of patience, 2 cups of possibility, more than a pinch of compromise, and a big heart. Get started on 29, I have a feeling you are going to have a best seller.
Thanks Bubbi <3 You have no idea how much this means to me. Hopefully, 29 will be the best seller I have been waiting for. And maybe I will actually use this year to finish the book I have been working on for years! Love love love.
Bless your heart honey. Things will get better. Just pace yourself and take it one day at a time. Focus on yourself and everything will fall into place. I’m 37 with a toddler in the exact same place. I refuse to date until I value myself for who I am so that I won’t torture myself feeling unworthy of a decent man and drive him insane with my insecurities.
Thank you so much! And yes, I am spending the next year working on me - and making sure I see the value in myself instead of just the value other people see in me. <3