*Make sure your flour is heat treated before eating raw cookie dough. You can see how to do that HERE.
I don’t know if you guys know about this, but there is this crazy cookie dough craze going on in NYC right now. A new shop called Cookie Do opened last year and people are STILL waiting for HOURS to get their hands on some.
This got me thinking about the craziest irrational thing I have ever done. Everyone has done something crazy in their lives, but what about something that was both crazy and totally unnecessary?
Then it came to me. That time I voluntarily paid someone to shoot me in the face with a 6″ needle in order to prepare for a first date.
Let me set the scene for you….I had been talking to this guy on Bumble for a few weeks. He seemed nice, smart and funny. He had a great job and I was pretty sure he wasn’t a serial killer. To find ALL of those qualities in one guy is pretty rare these days. I think it’s safe to say, I was pretty excited.
After three weeks of all day text conversations and busy schedules we finally made a plan to meet up. He was going away Saturday morning, but “we could do dinner Friday night” before he left. Perfect, I thought! This could be my last first date ever!
Friday morning came around and I woke up with a smile on my face excited for what was to come. The only problem was, I had a little headache. I went to the bathroom to get some Advil and BOOM. I saw it. A HUGE third eye smack in the middle of my forehead staring back at me.
Now I want you to understand the severity of the situation – this wasn’t just a pimple – this was a growth – a mountain so big it had worked its way down to my eye and made it puff enough that it was difficult for me to open it all the way. Not really a good “first date meeting your potential soulmate” kind of look.
Panic set in. I immediately texted pictures to Sara. “We have a big problem”.
She started calling doctors immediately. My date was in 12 hours. There had to be someone who could fix this. (It’s unclear why I couldn’t make the phone calls – but I think I was just overcome with panic I couldn’t even think straight).
One dermatologist was booked for the day, one didn’t answer, and one told her I needed to go to the emergency room immediately as I was in danger of losing my eye. I think it is safe to say that guy was a little dramatic, but that’s not very comforting to hear from a medical professional. Finally, she found one. I had an appointment at noon.
The nice doctor told me I wasn’t in danger of losing my eye (thank god) and that she could give me a cortisone shot to make the swelling go down.
I told her to do whatever she needed to do.
Five minutes and $90 later, bodily fluids were flying in the air and a 6″ needle was deep in my forward. It wasn’t a pretty sight – but the little monster was already starting to calm down. I was going to be able to step out in public without scaring people. Things were going to be fine.
And they were…until I got a text saying “Hey I got caught up at work and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it. Can we do something next weekend?”
Excuse me….WHAT?! I literally just spent two weeks worth of groceries to get a shot to the face to prepare for this date. What do you mean you “got caught up at work?!”.
I think it’s safe to say, I was pretty upset, and I appropriately spent that Friday night eating pizza with Sara.
I now realize that this story really has absolutely nothing to do with cookie dough, but I hope you learned a few things from this post. A recap:
- If you ever need to tame a monster by dinner time, a cortisone shot will do you wonders – just make sure you double/triple check you are actually going out that night.
- There is no need to wait for hours in line to eat cookie dough when you can easily make your own at home (as shown by this recipe).
- When you sandwich cookie dough in between pretzels and dip them in chocolate, you will be considered a god/goddess to everyone who eats them.
Also, in case you were wondering – when I did eventually meet up with him, I realized pretty quickly that this guy was NOT my soulmate.
CONFETTI COOKIE DOUGH PRETZEL BITES
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup butter, room temperature
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 2 tbs brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon imitation vanilla (or vanilla extract)
- 1 cup flour
- 1/4 cup sprinkles, plus more for topping
- 1/4 white chocolate chips
- 30 - 40 square pretzels
- 10 oz white melting chocolate
- Pink or Purple candy coloring
Instructions
- In an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, combine butter and sugars until combined.
- Add imitation vanilla. Mix until combined.
- Add flour. Mix until just combined.
- Stir in sprinkles and white chocolate chips.
- Scoop out 1 heaping tablespoon of dough. Sandwich it between two pretzels. Repeat with the rest of the dough.
- Place sandwiches in the fridge for 15 minutes.
- While the pretzels are in the fridge, melt 10 oz of white chocolate in 30 second increments.
- Once it is melted, color the chocolate desired color. (If you want half purple and half pink, divide the chocolate in half before coloring).
- Set up a piece of parchment paper on a flat surface.
- Take the pretzel sandwiches out of the fridge. Dip each one half way into the chocolate.
- Place them on parchment paper and immediately add sprinkles.
