January is a time for reflection. A time to look back at the previous year and evaluate the good, the bad and the ugly.
While I usually like to focus on putting positive vibes out into the universe, this week I decided to reflect on the shit show that was my dating life in 2017. I always knew there were a lot of jerks out there, but this year, with the help of online dating, I have come to the realization that our society is in DESPERATE NEED of quality humans.
And because I am sick of having these garbage boys make me feel bad about myself, I decided it was time to tell them how I felt. And of course, to make some epic F*CKBOY cookies.
And for all of you who are not aware, here is the definition of a f*ckboy.
In mainstream culture, a f*ckboy is a guy who doesn’t respect women, yet relies on them heavily. He’s a guy who’s distant, doesn’t care about a woman’s time, and won’t commit. He’s self-absorbed and is never looking for anything serious relationship-wise
Now, let’s begin.
An Open Letter To All F*ckboys,
First of all, F*CK you.
Seriously…I don’t know what happened in your life that led you to believe it was ok to treat people like this, but I am here to tell you, you are WRONG.
Maybe you were hurt in the past. Maybe you were never taught right from wrong. Maybe making others feel bad about themselves is the only way you know how to make yourself feel good. Or maybe you are just a freaking sociopath.
But whatever the reason is, these are YOUR PROBLEMS – not ours.
So please, keep lying, and cheating and sliding into our DMs. Please keep only texting us late at night and making up lame excuses for why you couldn’t answer us in a timely manner. Keep promising us the world and then turning around and dumping us. And please please please continue to believe that you are the only person in this world that matters.
Because no matter what you do, we still come out on top.
Your f*ckboy behavior may make us feel bad about ourselves – like we are not pretty enough, or skinny enough or smart enough. The really bad ones may even make us feel like we are not good enough at all to be loved.
But guess what? These feelings are just temporary.
We will cry, we will eat an inappropriate amount of ice cream and we will blast Tswift loud enough to drown out our terrible singing voices. But then, we are over it and over you.
We realize that we only get one chance to walk through this life, and we should not waste another second of it thinking about you. Each and every girl or boy you have ever hurt will realize that you are kind of pathetic, and they are destined for something so much greater. A life where we do not feel insecure or small, but one where we are killing it while standing next to someone who loves us exactly the way we are. A life where we get to be the best version of our bad ass selves.
We, my f*ckboy friends, are going to be just fine.
But you…you are f*cked. Because breaking someone else’s heart is never going to help you fix yours. And eventually, people are going to start realizing you are a human piece of garbage. So that sucks for you.
But seriously…good luck with your all your future endeavors.
And now for the top 5 f*ckboys of 2017….
5. The “Funny” Guy
4. The Smooth Talker
3. The Guy Who Tries To Show His Man Parts On The DL
2. The “Instructor”
1. Price Freaking Charming
And remember…if they were a f*ckboy in 2017, they are most likely going to continue to be a f*ckboy in 2018.
- 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 1/4 cups flour, plus more for rolling
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup powdered sugar
- 1 tablespoon meringue powder
- 2 -3 tablespoons warm water
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla or lemon extract
- Pink food coloring
- 1/4 cup powdered sugar
- 2 teaspoons of water
- Pink food coloring
- In a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar together.
- Add eggs and vanilla. Mix until combined.
- Add flour, baking powder and salt. Mix until just combined.
- Cover with plastic wrap and chill in the fridge for at least one hour.
- When the dough is chilled, preheat the oven to 400 degrees F and prepare a baking sheet with parchment paper.
- On a floured surface, roll out the dough to 1/4" thick. Use 3" heart cookie cutter to cut out cookies and place them on baking sheet.
- Bake for 8 - 10 minutes. Place on a wire rack to cool.
- In a stand mixer with a whisk attachment, combine powdered sugar, meringue powder water and extract on a low speed.
- Once combined, switch the mixer to high speed and let mix until stiff peaks form and mixture is glossy.
- Take 1/4 of the icing out and put into a piping bag fit with a small tip (I used Wilton 2).
- Add pink icing to the mixture in the bowl and mix until combined. You may need to add a little more water to give this icing a thinner consistency. Place in a piping bag with a small/medium tip (I used Wilton 6).
- Once cookies are cooled, use the pink icing to pipe an outline around the heart. Then fill in the middle. You can use a toothpick to spread the icing evenly.
- Set cookies aside to dry.
- Use white icing to write messages on the cookies.
- Combine powdered sugar and water. Mix until combined.
- Add pink food coloring. Mix until combined.
- Dip cheerio halfway into the icing.
- The icing will most likely fill in the cheerios center. Use a toothpick to push the icing through and create a hole again.
- Add sprinkles.
- Set aside to dry.