Pumpkin Caramel Chocolate Chip Cookies

A few weeks ago my family and I went to see this little play called Hamilton. I don’t know if you have heard of it or not, but it is pretty much the most amazing thing OF ALL TIMES. The singing, the acting, the stage – the whole thing was absolutely mind-blowingly incredible. If you don’t believe me, get this…

This is Zach.

He is my brother, my best friend, and he is ALWAYS late.

While Zach is good at a lot of things, I can confidently say that he is REALLY BAD at talking about his feelings. Like, a catastrophic category 5 hurricane hitting a small village bad. No joke. He sucks at it.

But Hamilton was so unbelievably moving, it actually inspired my brother to go home that night and WRITE A POEM/RAP about his feelings surrounding our Mom’s passing.

If you don’t know…our mom passed away from Lung Cancer just over 2 years ago. She played a pretty big role in our lives, so the loss was life-changing in the worst way possible. But my brother has never really been able to talk about it…until Hamilton.

Anyway, I thought it was so amazing that I talked him into letting me share it here.

Meet Zach. Chest puffed, chin high spring 2014

Nothing could come between my overconfidence and my dreams

Hanging with my friends enjoying the spring break scene

Living the high life….one more semester and this boy is free!

Then a text from my dad brought the unforeseen

“Call me when you can. It’s important.”

Brunch with the homies..mimosa morning with friends

Thinking the good life might never come to an end

“Hey dad what’s up? I’m loving life and I’m ready for more”

“Zach, don’t panic but mom has lung cancer. And it’s stage four.”

Pause. Breathe. Think. How do I deal? 

She never had one cigarette. How can this be real?

It will all be fine…..diagnosis is probably wrong

Because of all things I know you can’t touch my mom

But that cancer was real. And angry as all hell

That monster was aggressive from the start but I couldn’t tell

Blinded by my fear and running from my pain

I locked myself at my desk with a ball and chain

Grinding away. Working sunrise to sunset

Wearing suits telling myself I was fresh to death

Fresh to death indeed

I was most definitely

In need of a shrink or some therapy

But I visited often and my mom put on show

Smiled and stood up straight because her son was home

How rude? I just realized something I forgot to do

Let me take a beat to introduce Jodi to you

A Kentucky thoroughbred yeah that twang was true

Heart of gold, intelligent, elegant and classy too

Really the only person that could tame this stubborn jew

Selfless. 

Loving.

Smart.

Caring.

Warm. 

Every redeeming characteristic

Not without her flaws but damn this woman was fearless…..

Back to the story of the boy oh so unaware

Of the severity of his mother’s frequent visits to the urgent care

Pushing down emotions he wasn’t willing to share

He buried his head in his work because the boy was scared

But then it got worse…..and the impending doom was undeniable

Even with world renowned doctors and a miracle drug trial 

Fast forward. Fall 2015….just picture me

Sunday night pops telling me mom is going to d.i.e.

The words hit hard and although a little delayed

Reality speared my heart and it woke my brain

Monday I walked into work and I had something to say

I was home at her side by the end of the day

Clutching her hand holding on to hope it wouldn’t end this way

Her reaching back and reassuring that everything would be ok

Six weeks at home hearing her cough through the night

Even with the odds against, no one could question her might

An incredible woman that decided to fight with love not spite

She was superwoman….gloves off ready to fight!

Cut to: hospital room. The whole family was there

Showing support but our Jodi was fighting for air

Defibrillator strapped tight….lungs in total despair

Everyone watched helplessly. Life just is not fair. 

Unfortunately you know how this tragedy ends so I’ll save you the detail

I’m no religious man but heaven got one hell of angel

Your love is my strength was her adage until the final check in

But my greatest strength was her love. She was my secret weapon

No doubt hard days followed…struggling to find light in the dark

Life lost it’s luster and was not the same without Jodi’s spark

Two years since and whoa, time sure goes fast

Life has partially regained its form but the void is still vast

As I look down at my heart now I hope these scars always last

Because my mother is my everything note that tense is present not past

Thank you for listening. Excuse my lengthy story and my dramatic prose

But I am a proud mama’s boy, and if you don’t know now you know

Love you mom. 

I’m not crying! YOU’RE crying!

And if you didn’t believe so before, I think this is sufficient proof that Lin Manuel is a God and should be worshiped for the rest of time.

On that note…here is a recipe for some Pumpkin Cookies that have absolutely nothing to do with Hamilton, Zach or Lin Manuel. They are just soft, chewy and loaded with chocolate chips and caramel.