Sprinkle Queen Cake

September 18, 2015

This cake is very special to me because I made it for my mom's 53nd birthday. Some of you may not know, but a year and a half ago she was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. I haven't talked about it that much on the blog because this is supposed to be a place filled with happy things like sprinkles and cakes - not depressing topics like illness and death.

But every once in a while, life happens, and no matter how hard you try, no amount of sprinkles can make it better. Two weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to my mom as her battle with cancer came to an end.

I have written and rewritten this post a thousand times - but I found that no combination of words can properly express the overwhelming sadness that has made its way into my life. I have dealt with heartbreak and depression before, but nothing compares to this.

My mom was such a central part of my life, I never really imagined I would have to say goodbye. Even when she was diagnosed, I found it hard to picture a life without her. But in the last two weeks, I have realized that I couldn't picture it, because for me, my life will never be without her.

I don't necessarily believe in spirits or angels or an afterlife - but what I do believe is that I am the person I am today because of her. No matter what happens, no one can take that away from me. She gave me my pointy nose, my small toes, and my inability to sing in tune no matter how hard I try. She passed on her perfectionist tendencies, and showed me that being in charge is usually the most effective way of getting things done. She taught me how to care for others, to curse like a sailor, and to always follow my gut. She believed that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to, and so far, she has been right.

These are things I get to carry with me every single day. And even though the past couple of weeks have been almost unbearable, I find comfort in knowing that these are things I will never have to say goodbye to. I love you, Mom. More than you could ever know.

Comments (19)

Lesley Nishio

10/25/15 03:39 AM

Lindsay, beautifully written. I absolutely agree with the fact that you'll never be without her. I have such fond memories of your mom, she was so fun, generous, vibrant -truly a "cool mom!" I always had a blast with you guys, carpooling to gymnastics, decorating cakes in your kitchen, and I'll never forget when she was teaching herself to knit hats and the first one was so big she said she'd have to give it to Drake. You are an amazing lady- I know you make your mom proud! Thinking of you and your family. xx, Lesley

Sarah Surette

09/23/15 08:09 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Such a great cake to honor her by. <3

My best friend went through the same thing with her mom and lung cancer. Every year we do a Lung Cancer 5K in her memory. It helps a little. Hope you feel better soon.

Lindsay Nathanson

09/23/15 08:51 PM

Thank you Sarah. Every little bit helps.

Lynne Delaney Reich

09/21/15 04:41 PM

Lindsay, what a beautiful tribute to your beautiful mom.

Mona Alfi

09/20/15 06:42 AM

Such a beautiful tribute to your mom. She had an extraordinary gift to be able to bring joy into the world. You have her spark in you. I love the photo of the two of you.

David K

09/20/15 04:00 AM

Your mom saw hearts in leaves and clouds and sprinkles and we see her heart in you and your sprinkles.
We ???? you.

Lisa Metzger

09/20/15 02:26 AM

I hope you find comfort in all those amazing attributes you were given by your wonderful mom. They will always be with you. Hugs, Lisa
Hugs, Lisa

Shelley Carl

09/19/15 06:13 PM

Beautiful tribute to your take-charge Mom...
"Auntie" Shelley Carl

Corrine Merksamer

09/19/15 02:04 PM

Your words were perfect......she was always so proud of you! The cake looks amazing and I am sure she was thrilled that you made it for her. I love the picture of the two of you also. We all miss her beautiful smile! And yes she was right.,,,,,,being in charge does get things done!???? Love, Corrine

Lee Ann

09/18/15 11:31 PM

Your mom was a special person and an amazing friend. I have no doubt she gave you all those wonderful traits as her legacy to you. Hugs!
Lee Ann

JACI Hanson

09/18/15 09:52 PM

Your writing was wonderful... There is JOY is missing from our extended family...you, Greg and Zachary are in our thoughts every day...Aunt JACI

Sarah O

09/18/15 08:07 PM

Such a special post, Linds. Love you.

sue crosby

09/18/15 07:14 PM

Beautiful tribute to your mom.....

Becky Anderson

09/18/15 06:45 PM

Lindsay she thought you hung the moon and was so proud of you -- lovely, lovely post. xxoo


09/18/15 06:17 PM

So perfectly and Beautifully written Linds. She was such a special lady. Love you <3 xoxox

Lorraine Opper

09/18/15 04:46 PM

Your Mom was very special, she always had a smile on her face and was always positive. More importantly she loved you so much.

Your tribute is beautiful. Lorraine


09/18/15 03:39 PM

An amazing cake for the most amazing mom. She's so proud of you ❤️


09/18/15 03:32 PM

I think this is the most beautiful , heartfelt words written. What a wonderful tribute to your mom. I can see her smiling and showing that twinkle in her eye , beaming with sheer pride for all she has instilled in you. We love you- Gayle Glenn


09/18/15 03:29 PM

She knows!


09/18/15 03:14 PM

Love this, love her, love you. Forever.

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